DO WE UNDERSTAND LIFE?

My youngest daughter had a boyfriend (at last - I mean, she is turning 20 this year), but he is now gone with the wind. The reason for this break-up (my opinion) - they were not made for each other. He is a good guy, but my daughter had a much stronger personality than him. He works in another town (about 4 hours from us), and my daughter phoned him a lot (even when she was at college) just to get up and go to work. He would get his salary and treat everybody without thinking of the day of tomorrow. He would go to a bar and everybody will buy and order with his name and money.

You see, being good is not always the right thing. Sometimes we must be able to say no. We must be able to stand up for ourselves and fight for our interests. My daughter really loves him, but how long will it take her to get so frustrated for being the strong one. Although we (women) want, or rather must, work in a man's world, we still want to be spoiled. We still want the man in our life to be the strong one, the one that we can look up to. Sometimes, we just want to sit back and let him solve the problem. We want him to take over the worries. Unfortunately, in today's life, we have a lot of men who do not even know how to try to be nice to woman.

Before you think I hate men, I do not. I love having my hubby around me (maybe it is because I have a lot of me-time only, because he is going JHB quite often), I love being able to give a problem to him to solve (not that it is thaaaaat successful), and the most important, I love giving him a hug and tell him I love him. He is not an emotional person, so that is a one-way road, but I believe he will change.

I said to my daughter that she must make her own decision. I cannot make it for her, but she must think about the future. Will she always be willing to be the strong one, make the decisions in the house, work, raise kids, etc., without a person who is responsible and who will be able to help and support her.

Early this week, I saw a woman in tears. She stays with a guy who do not treat her well. I have asked her if she loves him or does she depend on him. Does she need him to help her survive or what is her true feelings for him. You know, I really felt sorry for her - she looked at me for a few seconds, and with tears in her eyes she said she love him with all her heart. She never thought that she will be able to love someone that much. She said that she even love him more than her first husband (he died and she remarry before she met this guy), and the second one abused her.

I went home with a few questions in my heart. Why do we (women) allow men to hurt us? Why do we allow them to walk over us? Why do we allow them to use and abuse us? Why do we still love them, even if they hurt us so badly, we will still love and support them.

It took two different scenario's that made me ask that questions. I was in total shock because I know that guy since he was a small boy. I know his parents and they are the most wonderful, kind and caring people.

I said to that lady that we as woman must stop fighting with the men. If they are unreasonable, just shut up, turn around and start to pray. Believe me, I am still battling to do this every time, but if I do that, I can see the change in my hubby.

I said to her that she must go and look in the mirror (I think there is a lot of us not doing it - including me) and see the stunning woman that God created. She is special and she must never allow somebody to make her believe anything else. I know it sounds so easy, but the truth is, I myself, do not do it and sometimes I allow people to make me feel bad about myself. As I said to her, for years I thought I was the most ugliest person in the world (just because my hubby once said to me that if he leaves me, nobody else will take me), I thought I was worth nothing and I just lived for my children (because I got a lot of love and affection from them). It took Gary Kieswetter to change that. He said that we must look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we are beautiful, because God created us in our mother's womb, before we were even born. We were special then, just as we are special now.

Another lesson that I have learned in life: If you pray for your husband, pray for change in you too. He is not the only one with mistakes and problems. You are human too.

Girls, keep on anointing your husbands and children. Believe in God and live for God. That is the only way.