Wow, that is the only way to describe this scary feeling. As I said yesterday, Wian is preaching at our church and the scary part is because he is preaching about all the demons that I have been fighting for the last month or so.
I have said that I am not going to say I am sorry because I am a Christian. Well, although I did not do that, I was fairly quiet about the fact that I am a Christian. How cool is that? I do not think it is cool at all.
I said to a dear friend that she must let go and forgive another person who did something to her. What did I do? I said that I forgave somebody, but every time she is still doing the thing that upsets me and my family, I forget about that forgiveness. Instead of praying for her, I am fighting with my husband for allowing her to make me and my family unhappy. He helped her through a difficult time in her life, and the more I feel uncomfortable with the situation, the less he understands why I am feeling that way. I realised that I must forgive her, but the most important thing of all - I must forgive myself for putting my family in the situation that we are.
Although I enjoyed last night's service, I cannot remember a lot. The only thing that I do remember with clarity - the forgiveness issue. Another thing he mentioned was that we must stay focused. My perception of that was:- If we take our eyes away from God, we will go downstream again. We must start to be listeners - not talkers (the I and me must disappear). If somebody have a problem, we must listen and help. We must not think that we have been through a tougher situation or problem. We must be quiet. We must listen to what that person is saying and help him with that problem. Now, I think if the problem is too big, pray and ask God to help you with that problem, and to help you to be able to support that person.
Another thing that I realised is that God is a God of love. We must love the same way as God. Since that realisation, I feel like telling everybody that I love them and care for them. I love the ones near me, and even love the people I do not know, because God made us all. He gave us that ability to love unconditionally. I am glad that He gave me the personality that I have, because I really do love people and care for them deeply.
I hope and pray that God will send the right people on my path in order to do what He wants me to do. I am not 100% sure of how I am going to deal with that problems, but I do believe that God will send the right one to coach me and help me.
May God give that His light will be shining in us every day.
God bless
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